Dear Jack,
I am writing this from a train. Destination: Home. But I don’t think you care about where I’m writing from, only, that after three years, that I’m writing at all. Doesn’t matter. I’m in Nowhere now, making the connection from Everywhere. Something they neglected to teach us in Geography is that you have to get to Nowhere before you can reach Everywhere. It’s okay, though. I learned it on my own.
The people I’ve met, strays and madmen like myself, all said that you would hate me. That you would never forgive me for leaving the way I did all those years ago. But they’re wrong. They have to be. They don’t know you like I do.
I’ve heard through the vines of communication that, despite taunts and smirks from our peers, you’re still waiting for me. You’ve lost friends, but not hope. For this, I think you deserve an explanation.
Except I can’t explain. There are no words, just images in my head that make sense only to me. Trees flashing by. Walking down an endless road surrounded by grass and cows complaining in the distance. Strangers laughing toothlessly at something I said. I could memorize an entire dictionary but never be able to string together a sentence that will make you see why I had to run and why I have to keep running.
I have survived bullet showers with only dark smudges on my cheeks and half a pint of beer. I’ve juggled in a series of circus shows because it was the only way they’d let me keep the outfit. This is my life.
And I want to give it to you.
See, I boldly approached a fair looking faery once and asked for the pleasure of the forbidden dance. He laughed.
“A dance with me is a dance forever. You will never leave. You will never want to.”
“A dance, Sir Faery. Unless you’re afraid.”
They fear nothing.
I twirled in his garden, I spun in the stars. But no matter the dance, no matter the time, he could never make me long for more or make me beg to leave. I could easily step out of the circle of his people and back in. I drank their nectar. Ate their fruit. But nothing tied me to their woods.
“How are you immune to our beauty? What kind of creature are you?”
“I don’t know what kind of creature I am. A rare one, I’m sure. All I know is that I can’t be doubly twined. I have found my love. I have my obsession. And as long as he’s not with me, I can never be held anywhere else. I can only wander.”
I have wandered Everywhere and now I am ready to take the ultimate risk. I’m going to take you with me. If you go, I go. If you get hurt, I get hurt. I won’t sleep with worry. And you won’t sleep either. It will be amazing. It will be awful. If we do the impossible and complete the journey, find that plateau of Feeling Good, we will feel good together.
Pack your bags, love. You’re coming with me.
-Layla
The Email
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